This Time it’s Serious Through my window flies a bird, A noble creature bringing word Of a tragedy in making; Some kind of trouble in the east, Some kind of monster or a beast, Has apparently awakened... He’s gonna burn down the walls, He’s gonna make that tower fall, He’s gonna piss where it was. The pigeon’s obviously scared, As shown by his pigeon head, We can trust the bird because... Pigeons never tell a lie, they keep the pigeon oath, And as the pigeon has revealed... This time it’s serious. Unicorns are not a real-life animal that is addicted to cocaine. Dragons haven’t flown around castles in Europe for at least a couple of days, Because they’re serious. Serious. With me is my lanky brother, he will join me on my quest, Along with a noble warrior, They will help me do whatever it is I do. They will never tell a lie, they keep the smithing oath, But only when the time is serious... This time it’s serious. Chodpistols are not a real-life animal that will not shoot you in the eye. Chickens don’t have magic powers... yes they do, They’re chickens and chickens are fucking powerful! So now we’re gonna smith our axes, so that they may chop some heads, Then we’re gonna do our taxes, as that’s also quite important. Yes taxes are important. If you’re going on a journey do your taxes in advance. For if we weren’t so serious... We would set upon the path to save a tower that’s on fire, We’d probably slay a horrid dragonchicken, We’d probably meet a mighty Scott, and walk through twelve minutes of rot and then we’d fight a man named... First it was real life, then it was fantasy, but now it’s serious. This time, this time, this one more time.... We’re gonna set upon the path to the tower that’s so so so so so far, We’re gonna slay the horrid beast, We’re gonna make a mighty team, We hope they don’t betray us each, We’re gonna slay the horrid beast.

The Fellowship of the Tower We’ve left Blacksmithtownshire to travel far and wide, To save the tower of fire. A fellowship of smiths, the pigeon has come with, To make sure there’s no liars. We’re a mighty band of blacksmiths, who’ve come to save the day. But then Sean Bean died and couldn’t be revived, We thought he was main character, he’s my favourite guy. Sean Bean died, we’re left to wonder why And fight in his name. “For England, James?” With no Sean Bean at our side we are left compromised, And need to eat the pigeon. The pigeon may never lie but he went well with fries, And filled up our insides. We were beanless, seanless blacksmiths, So we brought him back to life... But then Sean Bean died and couldn’t be revived We should’ve seen it coming, he’s my favourite guy Sean Bean died - he’s that kind of guy, And we were not surprised, For it happens all the time. We are setting on our way, But it’s not a hobbit’s journey, It’s a different story, And it’s legally distinct. It’s not a hobbit’s journey, Except for Sean Bean, It’s a different story for Sean Bean, Dead Sean Bean.

The Knights of the Blacklord We’re the knights of the Blacklord! Halt in the name of he, who shan’t be named. Halt and don’t you dare speak his name. He is the Blacklord, he is the king, and he has your number, As he watches with the vision of a lion. We the knights, called the Black Knights, have come to blow you... We’ll blow you away! The knights have come a long way from home. His name is a secret and we’ll always keep it and we’ll never tell you, won’t tell you his name is Samalcock, And we won’t speak his name. Won’t speak the often-mentioned name. The Blacklord can probably tell when you do something at some stage, The Blacklord probably doesn’t approve of any of those things, The Blacklord watches as you’re doing some kind of thing, And he watches with the vision of a lion. We the knights, starlights and star-brights have come to suck you... We’ll suck you all in! The knights that you can’t dance away. His name is a secret, it’s his only weakness and we’ll take it with us to each of our graves. Because his fuckin’ name is Sam. He’s got the eyes of a lion, Don’t look at me with those lion eyes. I wake up, And nothing wakes me down, I wake up again, But I’m still not sayin’ his name. Because it’s a secret, and we’ll always keep it, and we’ll never tell you, won’t tell you his name is Samalcock, And we won’t speak his name. His name is a secret it’s his only weakness and we’ll take it with us to each of our graves, It's Samalcock. And we won’t speak his name, His name is Samalcock, And we won’t speak his name, Because his fuckin’ name is Sam...

The Power of Fire The power floats on the breeze... The power lives in the trees.... The power floats on the breeze again... And then it sets something on fire! The power of fire is burning. The power is literally burning. If you can burn things then you have the power, And there’s the power of fire in you The power is within your knees... The power does as you please... The power has nothing to do with bees either, And then it sets something on fire! The power of fire is burning. Seriously that’s all there is to it. If you can burn things then you have the power, And there’s the power of fire in you The power of fire can drive you higher than other powers you may have used. We’re fighting fire with the power of fire, We plan to burn the fire to the sky, We’ll tame the flames with the power of fire, We can save the burning tower with the power of fire. The oracle was absolutely right, We need to burn the tower to save it, And in turn we will destroy the Samalcock, Higher, higher, higher, fire! Fire - I can’t see you towering, My pain goes on without fire. Oh I wish you could see, See my fire.

Beware the Dragonchicken I am the Dragonchicken. A part of me is dragon - the other part’ is chicken, A part of me is fire - the other’s finger lickin’ And if you walk under my nest I may attack from up high, Though I am not even sure if I am able to fly... But I shan’t let you pass, no I’ll stand in your way And if you want to take this path then you’ll have to cook me for I am... Draggin' along the part of me that is chicken. You’re standing on my Dragonchicken nuggets... A part of me is anger - another part’s malicious A part of me is fire - another part’s delicious And as my parents must have had a hard time breeding me, ‘cause nowhere on a chicken does a dragon seem to fit in. But I shan’t let you pass - no I’ll stand in your way, And if you want to take this path you’ll have to cook and eat me. Draggin' along the part of me that is chicken. And I’m about to show you my Dragonchicken scales... Are you ready for my scales? Look at my scales! I am the dragonchicken, Yes I’m the fuckin’ dragonchicken, And I am delicious. Draggin' along the part of me that is chicken. No you can’t get past me ‘cause I am... Yes I am the fuckin’ Dragonchicken.

Lament for the Dragonchicken The fire within me is the fire burning you. There’s a fire in your heart and your other organs too. You were a dragon, a chicken dragon, You were a dragon now you’re a fire. They’ve killed him. I thought that dragonchickens weren’t rare, But it turns out that they’re now extinct, Dragons and chickens are each in surplus, But it turns out that they rarely breed - No dragons and chickens take it slow. But now we’ve gone and killed the last one, And we probably shouldn’t have done that. (Sorry about that.) He’s dead now. We’re sorry that we lit the match, And covered you in kindling, And coated the kindling with gunpowder, And covered that in petroleum, And covered that in explosives, And set fire to the surrounding forest, And we probably shouldn’t have done that. (We are shit dudes.) Hey, look - there’s a fire burning you. There’s a fire in your heart and your other organs too. You were a dragon - a mighty dragon, You were a dragon now you’re a fire. Fire in your heart, Fire tears you apart, Torn apart by fire, Fire in your brain, Fire causing pain, Pain caused by the fire. You were a dragon. I mean a god damn dragon. You were a dragon. A fuckin’ dragon. Everybody now! Drag drag drag drag draggy drag dragon , Draggy drag drag drag swaggy lagwagon, You drag me into the fire.

The Swordsman of Outspoken Misc I was a young boy of depictable descriptions, Whose conviction was thick with friction and affliction, A contradiction with six addictions all of fiction, With one restriction: a title infliction that’s of diction. So as it goes and as you know I come and go following my nose.... If you need a knight to light the fight I’ll be right inside and I’ll fight all night... Oh I’m a mercy lacking, evil tracking, dragon hacking, sword attacking, coal-seam fracking, jenga stacking, sandwich packing, cheat day snacking, tall and steady, ever-ready, never-deady, causing-dready, water-treading, unregretting warrior of things wot fight me back. So without condition we form a coalition, Whose definition is abolition of opposition. And if our imposition is mission fruition, I shall requisition the entire recognition! And I shall be before us three who did the deed the complete lead, And every story with ongoing here it will be my glory...

Twelve Minute Song This is a tale of the not at all distant present, and the twelve subsequent minutes thereafter As our band of merry bandsmen, who are blacksmiths, who stick to their blacksmithing Go to win the battle that they need to win A battle against the Blacklord’s repression, and haunting odours One plan to win, not to lose To win, win the battle, of the story, of the song, of the album, of this band, of the Tower, of the Fire Yes. I believe that some of the previously mentioned things will probably occur. Our destination is twelve minutes away and we’ve already been walking two or three And at the end is the end of our journey and the middle bits are all in between And we plan to walk the walk for the whole way even if it takes twelve minutes from our day But this quest it is the best and it will pay; our glory quest it’s glorious; the quest for glory Glory, G-L-O-R-Y glory Tick tick tick tock We walk for twelve minutes, it’s twelve minutes away And you will listen as these minutes each decay (each decay) Place one foot and then the next and then repeat, that is how we walk upon our walking feet And we also have to sometimes bend our knees, and we tend to lift our thighs as we please Step by step we go towards the desired place, until suddenly we wind up lost in space Oh wait it turns out it’s not space, but we thought that it was definitely space Space, G-L-O-R-Y space Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tock We walk for twelve minutes, it’s twelve minutes away We spend your twelve minutes, twelve minutes goes to waste Yes it takes twelve minutes, and it should have taken eight Twelve minutes twelve mins twelve mini mini mini minet Twelve minet We don’t want the mosh bus to ever break down / Not far to go, what is the time Eight it fills me up with hate because it’s not so great and I think it’s getting late ‘cause twelve is taking such a long long long long time Eight and a half and singing’s getting tough ‘cause comin’ up with stuff is starting to feel rough But this will become a twelve minute song Surprise, we were tellin’ lies, about the runnin’ time, it’s thirteen in disguise And this bit only makes it longer and it doesn’t fit the song, why did we ever even bother This will become twelve minutes long This is become twelve minute song (eleven minute ZOMG) I bet you thought that this song wasn’t twelve, this song wasn’t twelve minutes As you can see that you are most correct, it will become thirteen minutes We can’t believe that we fooled you again and that you waste time on this shit We have been copying from the first one and can’t believe you are still listening It’s just a total fuckin’ rip, and we can’t believe we got you, but it has become ... This has become “Eleven Minute ZOMG”

Fight for the Tower It is the battle to the death The winner gets to win the battle The loser gets to win the death And only one of them can lose They’ve been fighting for dozens of minutes And it still hasn’t let up We could be here for a while I’m gonna go and get a snack The fate of the tower rests on this If they lose the tower burns And they won’t get to burn the tower Because Samalcock will have burnt it They’ve been fighting for dozens of minutes And it could be minutes more I just ran out of snacks I’m gonna get another snack I’ll be right back It’s the part at the end where they fight to the death and nobody knows who will win So everyone place your bets and don’t you ever bet against good ‘cause only good will ever win So sound the battle cry, stop trying to fly It’s the fight for the tower Saddle the unicorn, and grab the popcorn For it’s the fight for the tower of fire My name is Samalcock and I will destroy you Huh, big tough, Aw yeah I’m gonna shit on your grandma Oah, big tough, aw yeah, I just fucked your mother’s dead dog Huah big tough, aw yeah, I’m not gonna show up on time Oooah, big tough, aw yeah, I just shat in your meat sandwich Wait one moment, we can destroy the Samalcock if we use the power of fire Fire, fire, fire, fire HEART When your fires combine, I am captain fire Captain fire burns the tower, gonna take the towers down to none left And then Captain Fire fucked off down the pub, and there were only teenagers left to fix the vast environmental problems And our heroes were left with seemingly no hope So with the power of fire extinguished We’re left without our internal flame But we’re not about to give up Within our hearts lies the key We will unleash our secret Samalcock destroying weapon SONIC PUNISHMENT Huh, big tough, aw yeah, we destroyed the Samalcock Hoah, big tough, aw yeah, we just saved your mother’s dead dog Hoaah, big tough, aw yeah, and we also saved your meat sandwich Ooah, big tough, aw yeah, and your grandma’s ok

And Back Again Wake up, we’ve had our brush and now we make up, We’ve killed the Blacklord in a shake-up, Then stole the tower keys from his table, And now we’re off to complete the fable. It’s time to save the tower! I want to go home, I’m bored for my life, This idea was dumb, Fuck the fuckin’ tower of fire Say your prayers little one, Don’t forget my son, He’ll need a lift back from the tower too, Chuck him in, in the bin, Keep him in the bin, I don’t like my son much at all... Leave him at the tower! Give up - when times get tough just give up Whenever you’re kinda stuck, Whenever you’re in a rut, Whenever you’re kinda bored, ‘cause fuck doin’ anything at all. Even if you don’t want to, And there’s no demonstrable need, Don’t even make this album, No don’t even make this album. (Increasing manic gibberish to end.)